Even after all the years of illness, one of my biggest emotional challenges is living in acceptance. I wrote the following meditation/prayer and I use it to center myself at the beginning of a day or a week. It addresses all of my biggest emotional buttons on this topic, but feel free to copy it and edit it to include the truths and perspectives you need to accept where you are today.
O God, my God, I come to you in frailty – praising you and thanking you for everything that is lovely and good. I see your beauty and power in the sunshine of each new day. I hear your love when my children say “Good morning.” Thank you for blessing me with breath and joy and connection to you. Thank you for sustaining me and filling in all the gaps in my abilities. Thank you for today.
Father, as I look at today I see a long list of things to do. Things my family needs, work tasks, household tasks, self-care, and points of connection with family and friends. My instinct is to run at the list as hard as I can, with minimal self-care, and get as much done as I can today until I collapse - and then feel guilty if I can’t accomplish “enough.” But, Lord, I am counting on you and your Spirit to make these truths real to me so I can live in peace and wholeness.
1) I have a limited amount of energy today and that’s ok. Please show me the essentials for me and my family today and help me to release everything else.
2) My self-care is not selfish. As I walk a path to healing, I need to take the time to eat, move, meditate, and rest as my doctors (and husband) want me to. This is not only essential to my long-term health, but to the long-term good of my family. It is ok to take the time and energy needed for self-care.
3) I do not know how my body will respond today; and whether I will accomplish a lot or a little it will be ok. Help me to accept the state of my body without anger or resentment.
4) If I have a healthy, energetic day, I will praise you and give you glory for what I am able to accomplish and enjoy being able to give to my family. If part (or a lot) of my day is not healthy and productive, I rely on your grace to fill in the gaps. Show me how I can love my husband and my children from weakness. Give me favor with business contacts if delays are necessary. Keep me in a state of acceptance and reliance on you.
Lord, I know my emotional response to weakness is still to fight it – to use the energy from anger and frustration to push through another task, or sink into sadness – but I know that reaction ultimately hurts me and the people around me. So help me stay in your presence, accepting what comes, doing what I can, and always giving love.
Thank you for always being with me and never losing patience with me. I love you.